I've been continuing to think a lot about my vocation this week... As I've gone through different tasks and meetings, I've been intentionally analyzing what things I enjoy and what things energize me. This week, that's not been at my internship - in fact, I've been rethinking whether I really want to work in government or politics at all. I have found a lot of excitement and purpose in my work at the Agape Center, and in things related to Harrisburg. So I don't know exactly what that means, but I am open to possibilities that I wouldn't have even considered a month ago.
And there has definitely been a shift in my perspective on vocation since my last post. At that point, I was focusing all on career and where I could find opportuntities to fulfill that. Now I am unsure about career, but more committed to place. Harrisburg is where I belong right now, and I will stay here with my people :) I guess I have shifted to valuing community over career - community is what I am sure of, while career I may not figure out for a while.
So my "plan" right now (if you can call it that) is to find an apartment in Allison Hill (in Hburg) to share with friends, and get a job at a coffee-shop or something for the summer. I feel like I'm not ready to jump into a serious job yet - I have been going and pushing myself to handle so many things for so long that I just need a break. Working somewhere, investing in relationships, getting involved in Allison Hill, reading for fun, and playing with kids sounds like just what I need :) After that, who knows...but I have a lot of peace about this.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
When the rug gets pulled out from under you...
This has been a huge week in terms of thinking about and struggling with my sense of vocation. On Monday I found out that the hiring freeze at the Capital is probably not going to be lifted - ever. That was a shock to my system, because ever since my last internship there two summers ago I had been planning on working there after I graduated. With this internship, it seemed like the perfect way to "test out" the job, do some networking, and then get hired at the end of it. Now that seems like a pretty slim possibility.
After being so certain about something for so long, it's been difficult for me to start thinking of other options, other things that I could do. This was my plan, this is what I wanted to do, and now I can't. For the first time, the fact that "the economy is bad" which everyone has been saying has become a reality to me. It's a terrible time to get a job!
So now, the clear path that I saw for myself is gone, and I have to be open to a new multitude of possibilities. It's ironic, because over the past year or two my friends have been trying to figure out what they want to do, and I've always felt kind of weird "having it all figured out" already. But now I am right there with them, not knowing at all where I'll be a year from now. It's disconcerting, but also comforting in some ways too - "uncertainty loves company". We're all in this boat together...
As I've been thinking about what I could do, I've had to think through my sense of vocation - What is it that I really love to do? What gets me energized? How could I best contribute to the betterment of society? In looking at different possibilities, I've had to make the distinction between what would make sense for me and what I could do well v. what I am really passionate about. That has been important for me, because I know that in making decisions I tend to rationalize, choosing what I think I "should" do rather than what I really "want" to do. What I've come back to is that I really do want to work in politics - but how and where is very unclear right now.
There are tons of opportunities in DC, yet I have been really committed to staying in Harrisburg. I love the city, and more importantly I have a great support network here from my church communities and friends in the area. I really do not want to leave that - last time I was gone I realized how much I depended on that support network. And all during this year I've been putting down roots here - investing more in my church communities and my relationships, spending a lot of time in Harrisburg, thinking about where I could live and who with. I really don't want to be uprooted from all of that.
But I'm torn, because there seems to be no future here in terms of career for me. Even if I did somehow get a job at the Capital, Rendell leaves office in Jan 2011 and a Republican Governor will be coming in. Even now, the sense at the Capital is of winding down, which is sad. Although it would be good to get experience for that short while, then what?
The more likely situation is that I won't be able to get a job at the Capital, so if I stay in Harrisburg what will I do? I might be able to get a job in the Legislature (they don't have a hiring freeze) but I don't have connections there and that's not where my passion lies - I want to work for an Administration. There are a few advocacy groups in Harrisburg that seem interesting, but I have become so jaded that I don't think I believe in advocacy anymore, so that's a problem. I could just keep interning forever, working some crap job, and hanging out. I don't know.
I'm trying not to stress out about this too much, and most of the time I'm too busy to dwell on it. I'm trying to trust God with it - I know that He has it all figured out. It's just hard not knowing what my life will look like.
After being so certain about something for so long, it's been difficult for me to start thinking of other options, other things that I could do. This was my plan, this is what I wanted to do, and now I can't. For the first time, the fact that "the economy is bad" which everyone has been saying has become a reality to me. It's a terrible time to get a job!
So now, the clear path that I saw for myself is gone, and I have to be open to a new multitude of possibilities. It's ironic, because over the past year or two my friends have been trying to figure out what they want to do, and I've always felt kind of weird "having it all figured out" already. But now I am right there with them, not knowing at all where I'll be a year from now. It's disconcerting, but also comforting in some ways too - "uncertainty loves company". We're all in this boat together...
As I've been thinking about what I could do, I've had to think through my sense of vocation - What is it that I really love to do? What gets me energized? How could I best contribute to the betterment of society? In looking at different possibilities, I've had to make the distinction between what would make sense for me and what I could do well v. what I am really passionate about. That has been important for me, because I know that in making decisions I tend to rationalize, choosing what I think I "should" do rather than what I really "want" to do. What I've come back to is that I really do want to work in politics - but how and where is very unclear right now.
There are tons of opportunities in DC, yet I have been really committed to staying in Harrisburg. I love the city, and more importantly I have a great support network here from my church communities and friends in the area. I really do not want to leave that - last time I was gone I realized how much I depended on that support network. And all during this year I've been putting down roots here - investing more in my church communities and my relationships, spending a lot of time in Harrisburg, thinking about where I could live and who with. I really don't want to be uprooted from all of that.
But I'm torn, because there seems to be no future here in terms of career for me. Even if I did somehow get a job at the Capital, Rendell leaves office in Jan 2011 and a Republican Governor will be coming in. Even now, the sense at the Capital is of winding down, which is sad. Although it would be good to get experience for that short while, then what?
The more likely situation is that I won't be able to get a job at the Capital, so if I stay in Harrisburg what will I do? I might be able to get a job in the Legislature (they don't have a hiring freeze) but I don't have connections there and that's not where my passion lies - I want to work for an Administration. There are a few advocacy groups in Harrisburg that seem interesting, but I have become so jaded that I don't think I believe in advocacy anymore, so that's a problem. I could just keep interning forever, working some crap job, and hanging out. I don't know.
I'm trying not to stress out about this too much, and most of the time I'm too busy to dwell on it. I'm trying to trust God with it - I know that He has it all figured out. It's just hard not knowing what my life will look like.
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