Ash Wednesday is approaching, and I find myself in excited anticipation for this season of Lent. I deeply value times set aside for reflection, discipline, and growth and that is what I have found this season to be.
It is a time of preparation leading up to Easter when we have the opportunity to stop and re-evaluate where we are, and focus intentionally on how we would like to change. Specifically, fasting from those things in our lives that hold us back from growing in our relationship with God.
Through reflection over the past few weeks, I have decided to fast from TV shows and other things in my life that serve as distractions. I've become more cognizant of the fact that when I am exhausted after work or have had a rough day, I tend towards escapism - which often manifests itself in watching an episode of a TV show online. I justify this to myself, saying that "I just need to forget about life right now" or "I just need to do something mindless for awhile". But really I am shutting down and trying to escape from my reality, which I don't think is a healthy response. So during Lent this year I am going to be intentional about processing through what is going on rather than gravitating towards entertainment.
But Lent is about adding more than subtracting, and so as I remove time spent "escaping" I will be focused on replacing that with time spent engaging with God and growing in Him. Dedicating daily time to prayer, reading, and meditation has always been hard for me, but I am excited for this opportunity to make a renewed effort. I am a person who likes structure, so I have made some "well-planned steps" (as Henri Nowen puts it) as a way to create discipline. Although ideally we should "pray without ceasing", realistically I've identified several key times during the day when I can pause and focus on God. I am excited about following the Lenten readings...I've come to value the words and litanies of others more as of late, and eager to learn from them.
So these are my hopes for this season...what are yours? My prayer is that God will guide us in drawing closer to Him, and being molded into the people He desires us to be.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
This is my single status, my declaration of independance...
Transport yourself to New England, 1954, where the brightest women in the country go to school at Wesley - and prepare for lives as the next generation of wives and mothers. Higher education does not translate into career - it's merely a time of preparation before the ladies get their rings and "Mrs.". This is the world that Katherine Ann Watson (Julia Roberts) enters in "Mona Lisa Smile".
I liked Julia Roberts' character because she was a rebel - refusing to conform to the expectations of that time and place, and trying to teach her students that there can be more to life than getting married and having babies. Although much has changed for the better in the last 50 years, these expectations of being a wife and a mother - and now having a career - are still very-much alive. Why is it shocking to people that I don't necessarily want to get married or have children? Why must I explain to people my single status? Pop culture is in love with being in love, and even Christian culture is very marriage- and family-oriented. Some things that irk me:
The Facebook ads that forever pop up asking me if I want a boyfriend or telling me where to meet nice Christian men - just because my profile lists me as "single".
The fact that every time I turn on the radio, all I ever hear are songs of varying forms on the same theme - "I love you, baby" "I'm lost without you" "I need you more and more" "I want you back" "don't break my heart", etc.
And don't even get me started on chick flicks! Aside from the ridiculous scenarios of meeting and courting and the short time lapses between the main characters meeting, falling in love, and sleeping together and/or getting married, I am bothered by the general glorification of romantic relationships where all you need is eachother and you live "happily ever after". It feeds this desire for women to find that perfect guy who meets all of their needs - setting up unrealistic expectations and creating discontentment.
At every turn we are told that it is not ok to be single - this is just some kind of holding area as we bide our time until "Mr. Right" comes along. We are not complete, we are not whole, we are not all that we can be without a "significant other". What does it say about our society when an 8-year-old girl tells me that she feels sorry for me because I don't have a boyfriend? I feel sorry for her for being taught that she is not complete without one.
Now let me pause and clarify that I am not totally against love and relationships and marriage - I have many friends who are married, engaged, dating, etc. and I am honestly and sincerely happy for them, and I can see what a beautiful thing they have. I also see some of the hard parts of it. But what I resist is the notion that that is the only thing that there is to strive for.
I want to live in a society where my single status is not pitied, but celebrated. I am independent, with few responsibilities and much time and passion to throw into whatever I am doing. I have wonderful friends and faith communities to share with, laugh with, and draw support from. I don't need a relationship. Honestly, I don't want a relationship. And I certainly don't need anyone's pity.
To close my little rant, here's the song that's been my anthem - Natasha Bedingfield's "Single":
I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
('Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me... whole
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You either got it or you don't
[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
I liked Julia Roberts' character because she was a rebel - refusing to conform to the expectations of that time and place, and trying to teach her students that there can be more to life than getting married and having babies. Although much has changed for the better in the last 50 years, these expectations of being a wife and a mother - and now having a career - are still very-much alive. Why is it shocking to people that I don't necessarily want to get married or have children? Why must I explain to people my single status? Pop culture is in love with being in love, and even Christian culture is very marriage- and family-oriented. Some things that irk me:
The Facebook ads that forever pop up asking me if I want a boyfriend or telling me where to meet nice Christian men - just because my profile lists me as "single".
The fact that every time I turn on the radio, all I ever hear are songs of varying forms on the same theme - "I love you, baby" "I'm lost without you" "I need you more and more" "I want you back" "don't break my heart", etc.
And don't even get me started on chick flicks! Aside from the ridiculous scenarios of meeting and courting and the short time lapses between the main characters meeting, falling in love, and sleeping together and/or getting married, I am bothered by the general glorification of romantic relationships where all you need is eachother and you live "happily ever after". It feeds this desire for women to find that perfect guy who meets all of their needs - setting up unrealistic expectations and creating discontentment.
At every turn we are told that it is not ok to be single - this is just some kind of holding area as we bide our time until "Mr. Right" comes along. We are not complete, we are not whole, we are not all that we can be without a "significant other". What does it say about our society when an 8-year-old girl tells me that she feels sorry for me because I don't have a boyfriend? I feel sorry for her for being taught that she is not complete without one.
Now let me pause and clarify that I am not totally against love and relationships and marriage - I have many friends who are married, engaged, dating, etc. and I am honestly and sincerely happy for them, and I can see what a beautiful thing they have. I also see some of the hard parts of it. But what I resist is the notion that that is the only thing that there is to strive for.
I want to live in a society where my single status is not pitied, but celebrated. I am independent, with few responsibilities and much time and passion to throw into whatever I am doing. I have wonderful friends and faith communities to share with, laugh with, and draw support from. I don't need a relationship. Honestly, I don't want a relationship. And I certainly don't need anyone's pity.
To close my little rant, here's the song that's been my anthem - Natasha Bedingfield's "Single":
I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
('Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me... whole
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You either got it or you don't
[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm trading places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)
That's how I'm gonna be
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)