Monday, January 18, 2010

Let us turn our thoughts today to Martin Luther King...

...And recognize that there are ties between us
All men and women
Living on the earth
Ties of hope and love
Sister and brotherhood
That we are bound together
In our desire to see the world become
A place in which our children
Can grow free and strong
We are bound together
By the task that stands before us
And the road that lies ahead
We are bound and we are bound

-James Taylor "Shed a Little Light"

For the past number of weeks and months, much of my work has centered around preparing for Martin Luther King Day, Messiah's day to engage students in learning, serving, and reflecting on how the legacy of Dr. King is being lived out in Harrisburg today. Today was the day, and everything went wonderfully, but only now am I able to personally reflect on the significance of this day. I've been so caught up in seating arrangements and making sure we have enough cups and finding the right budget codes that only now that it's all over can I fully appreciate what this is all about.

It's about planting the seeds that will one day grow, and watering seeds that are already planted. It's about seeing students who are just being exposed to ideas of justice and service start to ask questions, and seeing students who have developed deep and thoughtful insights share those with others.

It's about honoring our Community Partners, individuals and organizations in the community that are working tirelessly everyday, living out Dr. King's vision of equality and justice in very tangible ways.

And it's about stepping back to think about the big picture - to recognize the great life and work of Dr. King and so many others who have gone before us. Re-reading some of Dr. King's speeches still gives me the chills - someone so passionate and so eloquent and so effective in rallying people around this cause so dear to his heart. Although his life was cut tragically short, it is his legacy that lives on.

And if we want to truly honor Dr. King today, then we must challenge ourselves to see how we can be living out his vision in our daily lives. There are so many injustices in our world that's it's easy to become numb to it all. But although we can't solve all the problems of the world, God has placed within us certain passions, gifts, and abilities in order to serve his kingdom. It is our job to explore how we can use there in our particular place in this particular time. May God help us in this endeavor...

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010: Goals to Guide Me

Although I don't make New Year's Resolutions per se, I do make goals for the New Year. I like the feeling of having a new beginning, a fresh start to make some changes. I've been pondering what these should be for 2010, and these are what I've felt are important things to focus on in the New Year.

1) Being more honest in expressing my needs and wants to others.

One thing that I've noticed about myself over the past several years is that I am not good at telling other people what I need or want. This became clear to me most recently over Christmas break, when I knew that I needed alone time to function. But instead of communicating this to my family, I let myself be sucked into their busyness without taking a break - which resulted in me being resentful of them and acting like a jerk. I've seen this as a pattern for myself, and I don't like it. My personality is such that I don't want to put anyone out, and I avoid conflict like the plague. So instead of bringing up my own need or want, I will just suppress it. It doesn't help that passive-aggressiveness has been modeled for me growing up, so when I do finally express something that I need or want it's often not direct but passive-aggressive. This is something that I want to unlearn, but it feels like I'm trying to go against the very grain of my being. But I think intentionally working towards more honesty and directness in what I need and want will create healthier relationships with my family, my roommates, my co-workers, and my friends - and decrease my frustrations.

2) Being more accepting of who I am in my role at work.

Although I love my job, at times it's easy to feel insecure in my role. I know that I can do the job and do it well, but as an introvert there are times when my personality seems to be working against me, and I fall into comparing myself to others. I don't have an outgoing and "fun" personality that immediately puts people at ease. It can be difficult to make my voice heard in meetings because I need time to process, and because I don't like to interrupt. And I'm afraid people think I'm awkward at times when conversations are not effortless. But I do bring a lot of strengths to this position as an introvert - carefully analyzing and processing things, asking good questions and listening well, and offering meaningful insights when I do speak up. So my goal is to find a healthy balance between stretching myself in ways that are helpful for my job, and being comfortable with who I am and how I work - not trying to be someone I'm not.

3) Make my relationship with God a priority.

To be honest, I've been really lax in spending time with God in the last few months. It always seems to go in seasons for me - I was doing really well with quiet times during Lent last year and into the summer, but once I started my job, mornings just did not work anymore, and I haven't found a good time. Or really, I haven't made it a priority to find a good time. What bothers me most is that I really haven't been very bothered by this - but I do feel like something important is missing. So in the New Year I am praying that God will give me both the desire and the discipline to spend regular time with Him - and a good mix of structure and creativity to grow in my relationship with Him. If I'm not strong in this, nothing else really matters much...

So these are the big things that I want to give particular attention to in this New Year. There are lots of other things that I want to do too - keep up with the news better, read more, get more involved in the neighborhood, practice hospitality more, get better at cleaning and getting rid of stuff. But I don't want to get too ambitious :) And a lot of these things depend on how busy things are at work, which determines how much time and energy I have left. So I hope that I can do a decent job at balancing everything this year - while also recognizing that I am a finite human being living with a limited amount of time and energy :)

So friends, keep me accountable! And take some time to think about what your goals are for 2010...

2009: The Year in Review

Last night I counted down the seconds to midnight on Second St, watched the giant strawberry drop from the Hilton, and cheered as the fireworks went off. But although it was fun to usher in 2010 with much celebration, I feel the need to stop and reflect before moving into the New Year.

I would say 2009 was marked most by transition and by community. I graduated college, moved out on my own, worked part-time over the summer, and then jumped into this job at Messiah in August. A lot of big changes to take place within a short amount of time!

But amidst all of that, this year I would say I have felt the most community. Living in SoJo for my last semester was the most supported I have ever felt - which is fortunate because that last semester is also the most stressed that I've ever been :) Living with two wonderful friends after graduation has been such a blessing, as I am constantly reminded of. And throughout all of this, I have my church communities, my small group, and others who offer love and support.

I would say that this year also was clearly marked by God's provision. I have basically an ideal living situation, a great landlord right next door, a job that I love and am good at, and COMMUNITY all around me. Not that life is perfect - there are difficulties and frustrations as always - but I really couldn't have imagined a better situation for myself. Thank you, God!

As I move into the New Year, there are a lot of question marks, but I can rest assured that whatever comes my way, He will continue to provide...