The first week of my last semester is almost done. Finally. It's been a rough week - which does not bode well for the rest of the semester. I'm listening to Avril right now, if that gives you a clue...
Classes really aren't bad, although I wish I didn't have to take them. But my time feels so much more constricted doing both an internship and my job at the Agape Center. Although I love my internship, having 2 entire days blocked out of my schedule makes me panic a little - it seems like I have so much less time than last semester. And I have all these great ideas for what I want to do with Outreach, but I don't feel like I have the time or energy to do everything I want to.
Tuesday night I was really overwhelmed - I had the realization that I can't do everything. Why is it my tendency to keep barreling ahead even when it's too much? I guess I can't stand feeling like I've failed or disappointed anyone. I have such high standards for myself and want to do so much...which makes it so hard to say no to things or back off from responsibilities. It took my amazing housemates telling me that it's ok not to do house programming stuff if I need to just take care of myself and stay sane. I am more important than programming - there's a novel idea.
I think a lot of what's stressed me out too is the fact that I've been out of my house since early in the morning til late at night every day this week. By the time I come home I'm exhausted and some of my housemates are already going to bed. With the start of the new semester all of our schedules are suddenly whacked out - we're never home at the same times, and it's really frustrating. With internships and classes and stuff there's nothing we can really do about it, but I don't like it - I need to be with them to stay sane. I need to be home...
Everything just seems so much harder this semester. It's harder to get motivated for classes. It's harder to spend time with my friends. It's harder to do the stuff I want to for Outreach. It's just hard.
1 comment:
dear dear amanda, it is hard. all of this whacked out schedule business is making it harder & harder. but i said it once and i'll say it again: you are way more important than any chapels or programs or extras will ever be! so do what you can (and finish your thesis which you are working on right now in the next room!!), no more, no less. you're human. and you can't do it all, no matter how hard you try. so, let's be human together and drink a hot beverage at a cozy cafe when you're finished with your thesis this week sometime, okay? i love you. that's the only thing i know that's easy.
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