On Waiting and Advent...

I'm not very good at waiting. This week especially has been hard - I feel ready to be done this student thing, and start living and doing the things that I want to do.

I want to be working at a job that I am passionate about and feel like I'm contributing to the betterment of the world in some way. I want to have the time to really invest in people I care about, and be more involved in my church communities. I want to live in a poor neighborhood in Harrisburg. I want to read for fun. I want to rest. And it seems like being a student right now gets in the way of all of these things.

Perhaps these things won't be as easy as I think after I graduate, and people tell me that they miss college after they leave, but I just wish I was done. I feel like I'm torn right now - I know I want to stay in Harrisburg and really want to be building relationships more with people from this area, but my status as a student keeps me in Grantham slaving away over papers. Even people's perceptions of me is often related to me being a student - I look forward to the day when my conversations won't revolve around classes and finals, but the greater things in life. I want to be seen as an equal, not just as someone who's still getting through school...

Tonight at House Church I had a realization about Advent - it is in fact a celebration of waiting. This is the season when we look forward with anticipation to the coming of Jesus. We take this time to celebrate the period during which we wait for Jesus to arrive. The concept of a celebration for waiting is a little hard for me to grasp, but I think it's important. Instead of just hurrying up to get to the end result, I should celebrate the time that I have now while I anticipate the things I hope will arrive later. That involves a deep trust in God, which is hard, but which I am trying to cultivate.

This reminds me of a quote from Henri Nowen's book "Here and Now" which I am reading: "There is an intimate relationship between joy and hope...hope frees us from the need to predict the future and allows us to live in the present, with the deep trust that God will never leave us alone but will fulfill the deepest desires of our heart. Joy in this perspective is the fruit of hope. When I trust deeply that today God is truly with me and holds me safe in a divine embrace, guiding every one of my steps, I can let go of my anxious need to know how tomorrow will look, or what will happen next week or next month. I can be fully where I am and pay attention to the many signs of God's love within and around me."

My prayer right now is that my life can embody that...