There are three things I’ve been preoccupied with during the last three days: my family, my “stuff”, and the weather. To make a little more sense, I’ve been home with my family sorting through a bunch of stuff in preparation for a flea market today which was decidedly impacted by the weather (refer to previous post).
The “stuff” part has actually been a lot of fun – oddly perhaps, I find that I get immense satisfaction out of sorting and organizing things, and was happily occupied with this for many hours. And I was positively gleeful when I got rid of a bunch of it – like Thoreau, I had felt burdened by the “tyranny of things”. Having so much stuff is stressful, since I don’t have room for it or use for it, and must exert so much effort to organize it and get rid of it. As he put it, then we do not own our things – they own us. So I felt a freedom of ridding myself of things that I no longer needed – I long to live simply and not feel burdened by so much “stuff”.
The family part has been not quite so fun – what is it about family that brings out the best and the absolute worst in people? At least, that seems to be true for me. We can have so much fun together and share great conversations, yet it takes so little to spark an argument that can easily degenerate into a yelling match. In general I consider myself a fairly decent and kind human being, but when I’m with my family I can be a real jerk and downright mean. I hate when I become that person, and I hate that it takes so little for her to emerge.
It’s sad, really, that family seems to bring out the ugly side of our human nature – because these are the very people who love us the most and have given us the most in life (at least, that’s true for me). The older I get and the more I interact with young kids and their parents, the better I understand the strain of parenthood – the constant demands upon your time and energy and patience, the choices you must make every minute, the many sacrifices, and the sometimes little thanks in return. All of this is done out of love and it is truly an amazing thing – something that I am only really beginning to appreciate in my own parents. Yes they are imperfect, yes they’ve made mistakes, yes they’ve passed on some dysfunctional patterns, but they deserve more from me than the tolerance, condescension, and snappishness that so often characterizes my interactions with them. Why is it that family are often the hardest people to love? Maybe because that is the one place where nothing is glossed over, and we see eachother’s imperfections most clearly…
Reflecting on all of the time I spent with my “stuff” and with my family, I had a lightbulb moment. While my enjoyment for sorting stuff and my frustration with interacting with my family both have definitely roots in my personality and history, they also speak to a fundamental truth about myself – I harbor a need to control. Part of why I love sorting stuff is that I exert ultimate control over it. I can put it in different piles and boxes, organize it by topic or author, and make it do anything I like. I can single-handedly transform great disorder into perfect order, and that gives me a heady feeling. I can’t do any of that with my parents or my brother – in fact, the more I attempt to mold their attitudes and actions into what I want, the more they resist it. I have no control over what they think or say or do, and when I try to make them conform to my timetable or my agenda it is usually in vain. I think the fact that I cannot control them is the source of some of my frustration – bringing a feeling of helplessness rather than power. And the rain today at the most inopportune times seemed to me to be a polite reminder from our Creator that despite our attempts and successes at controlling almost every aspect of our lives, we cannot control the weather – that’s completely up to God.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
A Very Long Day
Starting a 6:30 this morning, my day was spent hauling stuff back and forth to not one, but two flea markets! This is how it went down…
Put stuff in the car. Drive to Oxford Circle. Unload. Organize. Drive home. Load up car. Drive to Oak Lane. Drive home. Repeat process. Go back to Oxford Circle. Frantically load up amidst pouring rain. Groan at wet stuff piled haphazardly in the car. Drive home. Collapse. Change out of wet clothes. Devour pizza. Drag wet stuff out of car. Drive to Oak Lane. Load up. Drive home. Repeat process.
Finished at 6 in the evening. Exhausted.
It could be considered a bad day in many ways. It was a heck of a lot of running around. We got very wet and our stuff got wet. And after all of that time and effort, we made $17.65 at one flea market and $30 at the other one. Was it worth all of the family tensions and fights that resulted throughout the day?
Leave it to Beaver or some such show would conclude this episode with something like: “Well, we are tired and wet and still have a bunch of stuff, but we learned that when we work together as a family we can get stuff done and have fun!” The Arbours aren’t the Cleavers, and it’s not that easy. But we can laugh about it together, and for us that is enough.
Put stuff in the car. Drive to Oxford Circle. Unload. Organize. Drive home. Load up car. Drive to Oak Lane. Drive home. Repeat process. Go back to Oxford Circle. Frantically load up amidst pouring rain. Groan at wet stuff piled haphazardly in the car. Drive home. Collapse. Change out of wet clothes. Devour pizza. Drag wet stuff out of car. Drive to Oak Lane. Load up. Drive home. Repeat process.
Finished at 6 in the evening. Exhausted.
It could be considered a bad day in many ways. It was a heck of a lot of running around. We got very wet and our stuff got wet. And after all of that time and effort, we made $17.65 at one flea market and $30 at the other one. Was it worth all of the family tensions and fights that resulted throughout the day?
Leave it to Beaver or some such show would conclude this episode with something like: “Well, we are tired and wet and still have a bunch of stuff, but we learned that when we work together as a family we can get stuff done and have fun!” The Arbours aren’t the Cleavers, and it’s not that easy. But we can laugh about it together, and for us that is enough.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The Gift of Time: Creating a new lifestyle...
I am loving living in Harrisburg as an unemployed alum right now :) What excites me most is all of the time I suddenly have, and the freedom of choosing what to do with it. For the last 4 years I have been so accustomed to my schedule being dictated by my many responsibilities, so now I am thinking carefully about how I want to use this time that is now available to me. I know that my schedule will not always be so free, but how can I intentionally invest the time that I have to truly reflect the values that I hold dear? As a student I so often felt that my schedule and my values were in a tug-of-war, with a lot of my time being spent on what I had to do and not what I wanted to do.
Making lists is helpful to me, and so here's how I would like to translate my values into my new "Post-Grad Lifestyle":
Cultivate my relationship with God.
1. Be faithful in morning quiet time.
2. Practice prayer as a spiritual discipline.
Cultivate relationships with people.
3. Keep in touch better with friends who are far away.
4. Practice hospitality to those who are near.
Invest in the communities that I am a part of.
5. Find ways to use my gifts in my church communities.
6. Find ways to get involved in the Allison Hill community.
Engage with the broader world.
7. Keep up with the news!
Take care of myself.
8. Get enough sleep :)
9. Make time for rest.
10. Read for fun!
I am working on many of them already, but please hold me to them and give me ideas for things to add to this list!
Making lists is helpful to me, and so here's how I would like to translate my values into my new "Post-Grad Lifestyle":
Cultivate my relationship with God.
1. Be faithful in morning quiet time.
2. Practice prayer as a spiritual discipline.
Cultivate relationships with people.
3. Keep in touch better with friends who are far away.
4. Practice hospitality to those who are near.
Invest in the communities that I am a part of.
5. Find ways to use my gifts in my church communities.
6. Find ways to get involved in the Allison Hill community.
Engage with the broader world.
7. Keep up with the news!
Take care of myself.
8. Get enough sleep :)
9. Make time for rest.
10. Read for fun!
I am working on many of them already, but please hold me to them and give me ideas for things to add to this list!
Transitioning to Post-Grad Life: A Tale of Three Weekends
The past several weeks have been full of transition, and as I look back each weekend marks some sort of a turning point in my life. So let me describe my post-grad life through these key moments...
Weekend #1: Commencement
As an event that I had been looking forward to as the long-awaited end-point of my undergraduate career, it felt very surreal. The formalities and pomp and circumstance marking this milestone somehow felt unreal - like I had already completed my work and earned my degree, and this official recognition was anti-climatic. Everyone was making such a big deal about it, yet to me it was just the logical next step - graduation was what came after you finished school, and then "real life" started. It was that next step that I was itching to get to - "commencement" after all means "beginning" and I was ready to start something new. Despite the sadness of saying goodbyes, I did not dread the future like some of my peers - I was ready to take the next step.
Weekend #2: Philly
After graduation I went home to Philly, and the next weekend was jam-packed with people, as I went from my graduation party to hanging out with friends to church Sunday morning to lunch with friends to a different church in the evening! As an introvert that constant interaction drains me, but it was more than just being peopled-out - I was going through a roller-coaster of emotions. I felt caught between this overwhelming love and gratitude for these people and communities who have played significant roles in my life, and yet this distinct sense that I didn't belong there anymore. I guess the two aren't mutually exclusive - I can deeply appreciate the role that they have played at important junctures in my life while still knowing that it is time for me to move on. I know that these will always be places that I can come back to and be welcomed with open arms, but leaving this time had a certain feeling of finality to it. However, going through this process of letting go of Philly to a certain degree was healthy and necessary as I prepared to move on.
Weekend #3: Harrisburg!
This past weekend I moved into my new apartment in Harrisburg, something that I had been looking forward to for a long time. The weather was perfect, friends came to help, and it just felt so right. After constantly commuting to Hburg for church and volunteering and visiting friends, I was finally HERE and everything felt so close! And I was so excited to be living in the Allison Hill neighborhood, which I have come to know and love during my years at Messiah, and where I am committed to being involved however I can.
So that is where I am now - and so thankful to God for placing me here for however long He wills!
Weekend #1: Commencement
As an event that I had been looking forward to as the long-awaited end-point of my undergraduate career, it felt very surreal. The formalities and pomp and circumstance marking this milestone somehow felt unreal - like I had already completed my work and earned my degree, and this official recognition was anti-climatic. Everyone was making such a big deal about it, yet to me it was just the logical next step - graduation was what came after you finished school, and then "real life" started. It was that next step that I was itching to get to - "commencement" after all means "beginning" and I was ready to start something new. Despite the sadness of saying goodbyes, I did not dread the future like some of my peers - I was ready to take the next step.
Weekend #2: Philly
After graduation I went home to Philly, and the next weekend was jam-packed with people, as I went from my graduation party to hanging out with friends to church Sunday morning to lunch with friends to a different church in the evening! As an introvert that constant interaction drains me, but it was more than just being peopled-out - I was going through a roller-coaster of emotions. I felt caught between this overwhelming love and gratitude for these people and communities who have played significant roles in my life, and yet this distinct sense that I didn't belong there anymore. I guess the two aren't mutually exclusive - I can deeply appreciate the role that they have played at important junctures in my life while still knowing that it is time for me to move on. I know that these will always be places that I can come back to and be welcomed with open arms, but leaving this time had a certain feeling of finality to it. However, going through this process of letting go of Philly to a certain degree was healthy and necessary as I prepared to move on.
Weekend #3: Harrisburg!
This past weekend I moved into my new apartment in Harrisburg, something that I had been looking forward to for a long time. The weather was perfect, friends came to help, and it just felt so right. After constantly commuting to Hburg for church and volunteering and visiting friends, I was finally HERE and everything felt so close! And I was so excited to be living in the Allison Hill neighborhood, which I have come to know and love during my years at Messiah, and where I am committed to being involved however I can.
So that is where I am now - and so thankful to God for placing me here for however long He wills!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
It is finished: Reflecting on my four years at Messiah
I graduated from Messiah College last Saturday. It still doesn't quite feel real to me, and my feelings about what it means to be a graduate will probably be the subject of another blog post. But I wanted to pause for a moment to reflect back on my four years at Messiah. It would be easy to throw myself into the many things that can occupy my time here at home, but important milestones cannot have meaning without taking time to reflect back on them. So here goes...
As I think back over my four years at Messiah, the person I was when I entered college is so different from who I am now as a graduate. My first two years set the foundation for learning and developing intellectually, as I was confronted with many new ideas inside and outside of class. Professors and peers challenged me with very different theological and political views, and I was forced to reevaluate much of what I had been taught. What did I really believe? This process of deconstructing my belief system was difficult, yet so crucial to who I am today.
Junior year I set off to explore – first going to Philadelphia, then Strasbourg, France. Both of these semesters were challenging and rewarding in very different ways. In Philly I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the global injustices I was learning about. How could I as an individual affect change in the world? In France I felt isolated from people with compatible values and lifestyles. Where could I find true life-sustaining community to support me?
It was at this point that I connected with a special group of girls. Wrestling with similar questions, we decided to explore the answers together. We came to the realization that we can make a difference by raising awareness and involving ourselves and others in local action. And we can experience community by living together intentionally. Thus, the “SoJo” satellite house for social justice was born. Living in this house as a senior was a fitting culmination of my time at Messiah, and looking back I can see clearly how the core values that I hold dear now have been refined through my education and experiences here.
When I started college I believed in social justice, but in a very abstract and idealistic way. This belief was deeply informed through my education in the social sciences, where I gained knowledge about the grave social injustices embedded in the structure of our society and the consciousness of our minds. Realizations of the systemic nature of racism, poverty, and violence filled me with a burning desire to act. Initially I threw myself into activism, but my idealism about changing the world became realism when I interned at the Capital in Harrisburg. So I put away my protest signs and committed myself to working inside the government for change.
This is closely linked with service, another concept I came into Messiah valuing but not really understanding. However, as I got increasingly involved in the Agape Center – first as a volunteer and team leader, then as an Outreach Coordinator and now the Outreach Director – I began to grasp the complexities and challenges that go along with it. I became keenly aware of the race and class divides separating the Messiah volunteers from the kids we were working with. I learned about the unequal and dysfunctional education system that they are trapped in. I saw how service can be harmful if done carelessly, and how stereotypes have to be intentionally broken down. Service is not easy or simple, yet my commitment to it has only increased as I have seen the difference it can make when thoughtfully done.
The value which Messiah has most profoundly shaped in me is community. Although a campus buzzword, it has become very real to me. I have experienced it through church communities, small groups, and friends who accepted me, supported me, and nurtured me in my faith. I would not be who I am today without those relationships. And as I explored intentional living with my “SoJo” housemates, I embrace community as not just a core value but a constant lifestyle. Supporting one another, carrying each other’s burdens, practicing hospitality, taking Sabbath rest – this is all part of being in community. It is not always easy but is so rewarding, and these relationships and this lifestyle are what I will carry with me.
Equipped and released. That’s how I feel now as a result of my four years here. Messiah has informed and cultivated my core values, and given me so many opportunities to develop and grow as a student leader. As a graduate I am still working out my vocation in terms of a job, but am committed to living intentionally with others and investing in a low-income urban community. Specifically, I am ready to pour into Harrisburg, a city I have grown to love during my time here.
As I look back over my four years, I can see the unmistakable marks of God’s work in my life. He has truly been guiding my path each step of the way and still is, although I don’t know where it will lead next.
As I think back over my four years at Messiah, the person I was when I entered college is so different from who I am now as a graduate. My first two years set the foundation for learning and developing intellectually, as I was confronted with many new ideas inside and outside of class. Professors and peers challenged me with very different theological and political views, and I was forced to reevaluate much of what I had been taught. What did I really believe? This process of deconstructing my belief system was difficult, yet so crucial to who I am today.
Junior year I set off to explore – first going to Philadelphia, then Strasbourg, France. Both of these semesters were challenging and rewarding in very different ways. In Philly I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the global injustices I was learning about. How could I as an individual affect change in the world? In France I felt isolated from people with compatible values and lifestyles. Where could I find true life-sustaining community to support me?
It was at this point that I connected with a special group of girls. Wrestling with similar questions, we decided to explore the answers together. We came to the realization that we can make a difference by raising awareness and involving ourselves and others in local action. And we can experience community by living together intentionally. Thus, the “SoJo” satellite house for social justice was born. Living in this house as a senior was a fitting culmination of my time at Messiah, and looking back I can see clearly how the core values that I hold dear now have been refined through my education and experiences here.
When I started college I believed in social justice, but in a very abstract and idealistic way. This belief was deeply informed through my education in the social sciences, where I gained knowledge about the grave social injustices embedded in the structure of our society and the consciousness of our minds. Realizations of the systemic nature of racism, poverty, and violence filled me with a burning desire to act. Initially I threw myself into activism, but my idealism about changing the world became realism when I interned at the Capital in Harrisburg. So I put away my protest signs and committed myself to working inside the government for change.
This is closely linked with service, another concept I came into Messiah valuing but not really understanding. However, as I got increasingly involved in the Agape Center – first as a volunteer and team leader, then as an Outreach Coordinator and now the Outreach Director – I began to grasp the complexities and challenges that go along with it. I became keenly aware of the race and class divides separating the Messiah volunteers from the kids we were working with. I learned about the unequal and dysfunctional education system that they are trapped in. I saw how service can be harmful if done carelessly, and how stereotypes have to be intentionally broken down. Service is not easy or simple, yet my commitment to it has only increased as I have seen the difference it can make when thoughtfully done.
The value which Messiah has most profoundly shaped in me is community. Although a campus buzzword, it has become very real to me. I have experienced it through church communities, small groups, and friends who accepted me, supported me, and nurtured me in my faith. I would not be who I am today without those relationships. And as I explored intentional living with my “SoJo” housemates, I embrace community as not just a core value but a constant lifestyle. Supporting one another, carrying each other’s burdens, practicing hospitality, taking Sabbath rest – this is all part of being in community. It is not always easy but is so rewarding, and these relationships and this lifestyle are what I will carry with me.
Equipped and released. That’s how I feel now as a result of my four years here. Messiah has informed and cultivated my core values, and given me so many opportunities to develop and grow as a student leader. As a graduate I am still working out my vocation in terms of a job, but am committed to living intentionally with others and investing in a low-income urban community. Specifically, I am ready to pour into Harrisburg, a city I have grown to love during my time here.
As I look back over my four years, I can see the unmistakable marks of God’s work in my life. He has truly been guiding my path each step of the way and still is, although I don’t know where it will lead next.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The end is near...
One week from today I will graduate - it's still hard to believe how fast these four years have gone by. But I am ready - these last few weeks have been really stressful in terms of schoolwork and Agape work, and as much as I've valued my time here, I am so ready to be done.
So ready to cease this lifestyle of a student being constantly pulled in so many directions. So ready to leave an atmosphere where I am held to and judged by standards that I don't necessarily agree with. So ready to embrace a lifestyle of my own choosing, and practice more fully the values that are important to me.
It is at times like this that I really question why higher education does this to students - this imposition of impossible standards, this encouragement towards leadership and extracurricular activities that make balance so difficult. Where is the value in rest, in reflection, in rejuvenating time with people? It seems these are the things that I constantly have to fight for to remain in my schedule.
Recently I have not fought to keep rest, reflection, and friends in my schedule amidst all of the stress, and I have felt the effects of it. All day today I have been trying to work on my internship portfolio, something that shouldn't be too hard, but have failed miserably. I felt like I could not do anything - the drive to finish was gone, leaving me tired and unmotivated. Yet there was still so much to do, and it was overwhelming.
But then I took a break - ate supper outside with housemates and friends, took pictures, turned cartwheels, and laughed a lot! It was just what I needed - some time to get away from all of my work and thoughts about work, and enjoy these silly moments with people dear to me. How many times do I have to learn this lesson, that pushing myself to work constantly only results in frustration? That without rest and reflection and fun, I cannot do my work well? This is what I have been reminded of tonight - and I am grateful for my wonderful housemates, who put up with my frustration, encourage me to keep going, and pull me away for a picnic :) I am learning so much from them everyday...
So ready to cease this lifestyle of a student being constantly pulled in so many directions. So ready to leave an atmosphere where I am held to and judged by standards that I don't necessarily agree with. So ready to embrace a lifestyle of my own choosing, and practice more fully the values that are important to me.
It is at times like this that I really question why higher education does this to students - this imposition of impossible standards, this encouragement towards leadership and extracurricular activities that make balance so difficult. Where is the value in rest, in reflection, in rejuvenating time with people? It seems these are the things that I constantly have to fight for to remain in my schedule.
Recently I have not fought to keep rest, reflection, and friends in my schedule amidst all of the stress, and I have felt the effects of it. All day today I have been trying to work on my internship portfolio, something that shouldn't be too hard, but have failed miserably. I felt like I could not do anything - the drive to finish was gone, leaving me tired and unmotivated. Yet there was still so much to do, and it was overwhelming.
But then I took a break - ate supper outside with housemates and friends, took pictures, turned cartwheels, and laughed a lot! It was just what I needed - some time to get away from all of my work and thoughts about work, and enjoy these silly moments with people dear to me. How many times do I have to learn this lesson, that pushing myself to work constantly only results in frustration? That without rest and reflection and fun, I cannot do my work well? This is what I have been reminded of tonight - and I am grateful for my wonderful housemates, who put up with my frustration, encourage me to keep going, and pull me away for a picnic :) I am learning so much from them everyday...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Thoughts from a “shadow”
Today for my internship I got to shadow a high-up Policy person at the Capital, and it was great! For starters, the woman I was shadowing is simply amazing – she’s in constant motion convening meetings, asking questions, giving orders, and cracking jokes. She moved so fast that a few times she lost her “shadow” :) But it was really a neat experience to watch this brilliant woman at work. She’s a small woman in the tall men’s world of politics, but whenever she is in a room she holds people’s attention and respect. And while considering all of these weighty issues, she’s still able to have fun. Very impressive.
Today happened to be a day when she was absolutely booked, and so I went to back-to-back meetings with her all day. The breadth and depth of material covered in these meetings surprised me, and gave me a new understanding of how interconnected everything really is. She is a Policy person, so in some meetings we hammered out details of how best to administer the nuts and bolts of a certain policy. But in other meetings we strategized how to get legislation passed, and still other meetings were about the PR campaign for getting the public on-board. Sometimes all of these elements were discussed in the same meeting! So it was just really interesting for me to see how all of these pieces are inseparable, and that to be effective at this level you have to be able to integrate multiple approaches to a given issue and constantly switch back and forth.
Another thing that stuck out to me as I sat through these meetings was how much emphasis there was on money and how to use it. It makes sense that governance at this level deals a lot with apportioning and administering funds, because money is the lifeblood of all programming, especially in our age of economic crisis. There are so many different “pots” of money to manage but never enough to go around, so these people must make the hard decisions about who gets what when, and then fight tooth and nail to make sure it’s not taken away. That’s really what it comes down to. And the devil really is in the details, so much time and painstaking effort must be spent to make sure funding formulas and allocation schemes are exactly right with no unintended consequences.
Apart from the actual content of the meetings, I was interested to just observe how people interacted. There was always lively debate, and I learned some key things about how to be effective in meetings. You have to be assertive and speak up – if you don’t interrupt people your voice won’t get heard. You have to ask lots of questions to get all of the information, and you have to ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand the decision that has been made and what is expected of you. You also can’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I’ll get back to you on that”. These are all really important things for me to take away, since lack of assertiveness is definitely a weakness of mine. I feel like I would be better at it in a setting where I was more comfortable and had a defined role, rather than this nebulous “intern” who’s kind of on the fringe. But I do definitely need to be practicing in this area…
One of the best parts of the day was when I unexpectedly got to meet the Governor as part of my shadowing! Sitting with him and the person I was shadowing as they talked made me realize that these are real people too – people who get tired after a long day and forget things sometimes. But I think that in recognizing them as real people, my respect and admiration for them only grows. Their jobs are not always as glamorous as they seem – these are “public servants” in every sense of the term who work their butts off under nearly impossible circumstances to accomplish things that they really believe in. I could feel the Governor’s passion and pent-up frustration as he addressed the press about the need for gun control, an issue close to my heart. I saw the many roadblocks that people tried their best to circumnavigate during meetings throughout the day. It’s hard work, it consumes your every waking hour, and these people do not get enough recognition for it. The public are so easily persuaded to lambaste government for everything under the sun, but few realize or appreciate how much good work is done. And whenever something is accomplished, there will always be people to condemn them for it.
So it was an exciting, interesting, and enlightening day – only further confirmation that this is what I want to do :)
Today happened to be a day when she was absolutely booked, and so I went to back-to-back meetings with her all day. The breadth and depth of material covered in these meetings surprised me, and gave me a new understanding of how interconnected everything really is. She is a Policy person, so in some meetings we hammered out details of how best to administer the nuts and bolts of a certain policy. But in other meetings we strategized how to get legislation passed, and still other meetings were about the PR campaign for getting the public on-board. Sometimes all of these elements were discussed in the same meeting! So it was just really interesting for me to see how all of these pieces are inseparable, and that to be effective at this level you have to be able to integrate multiple approaches to a given issue and constantly switch back and forth.
Another thing that stuck out to me as I sat through these meetings was how much emphasis there was on money and how to use it. It makes sense that governance at this level deals a lot with apportioning and administering funds, because money is the lifeblood of all programming, especially in our age of economic crisis. There are so many different “pots” of money to manage but never enough to go around, so these people must make the hard decisions about who gets what when, and then fight tooth and nail to make sure it’s not taken away. That’s really what it comes down to. And the devil really is in the details, so much time and painstaking effort must be spent to make sure funding formulas and allocation schemes are exactly right with no unintended consequences.
Apart from the actual content of the meetings, I was interested to just observe how people interacted. There was always lively debate, and I learned some key things about how to be effective in meetings. You have to be assertive and speak up – if you don’t interrupt people your voice won’t get heard. You have to ask lots of questions to get all of the information, and you have to ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand the decision that has been made and what is expected of you. You also can’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I’ll get back to you on that”. These are all really important things for me to take away, since lack of assertiveness is definitely a weakness of mine. I feel like I would be better at it in a setting where I was more comfortable and had a defined role, rather than this nebulous “intern” who’s kind of on the fringe. But I do definitely need to be practicing in this area…
One of the best parts of the day was when I unexpectedly got to meet the Governor as part of my shadowing! Sitting with him and the person I was shadowing as they talked made me realize that these are real people too – people who get tired after a long day and forget things sometimes. But I think that in recognizing them as real people, my respect and admiration for them only grows. Their jobs are not always as glamorous as they seem – these are “public servants” in every sense of the term who work their butts off under nearly impossible circumstances to accomplish things that they really believe in. I could feel the Governor’s passion and pent-up frustration as he addressed the press about the need for gun control, an issue close to my heart. I saw the many roadblocks that people tried their best to circumnavigate during meetings throughout the day. It’s hard work, it consumes your every waking hour, and these people do not get enough recognition for it. The public are so easily persuaded to lambaste government for everything under the sun, but few realize or appreciate how much good work is done. And whenever something is accomplished, there will always be people to condemn them for it.
So it was an exciting, interesting, and enlightening day – only further confirmation that this is what I want to do :)
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