Death and life. Grief and celebration. Despair and hope. How can a single night encompass all of these seemingly conflicting notions?
At the Heeding God's Call rally/witness against gun violence yesterday, we mourned the death of an 18-year-old young man, shot and killed this week in our neighborhood. He would've been a senior this fall. I've been to my share of rallies, and the songs and words are always meaningful, but this one was different. As we marched down Crescent St. yelling "what do we want?" "PEACE" "what do we need?" "JUSTICE" the words caught in my throat as we came to the boy's house. Dozens of his family members, friends, and neighbors were gathered, covering the family's porch and spilling out onto the sidewalk. You could see the sharp pain of grief in their faces, as they clung to eachother, and cried, and remembered. The service we held with them was brief, singing hymns, offering prayers, coming together to offer what small comfort and solidarity that we might be able to.
But as we stood there, shoulder-to-shoulder with the people who knew this man, something in me broke. This was suddenly no longer a news article, a statistic, a political or ideological issue - this was REAL. The awful reality of someone being snatched from those who love him hit me, and I cried - for them, for their grief that I couldn't even understand, but could see so clearly. For him, for the life that he wouldn't get to finish. For the unfairness of it all. For the absolute helplessness I felt.
People said different things to try to make sense of what is senseless. "These kids need jobs." True. "You gotta be saved by the blood of Jesus." True. "You can't take the funding from schools." True. "Gotta get the guns off the streets." True. It's all true, but there is no one answer - it's all of it, everything. Kids have to have access to good education, have to have opportunities for jobs, need to be encouraged and supported at home, need to have Jesus change their hearts and their lives. And we do need to get the guns and the drugs off the streets - but this couldn't be about a political platform or a call to conversion, not in the midst of a family's grief. None of that would bring their son, their brother, their friend back. The most valuable thing we could do was be there, crying and praying with them as Jesus would, as our hearts were breaking.
Filled with a deep sadness, I left there to go to the Joshua Farm's 5-year celebration. As I arrived, some folks were putting primer up for a mural. The field was bursting with life, multitudes of thriving vegetables and fruit and flowers everywhere. People were everywhere, enjoying the delicious snacks made from the farm's produce, sharing good conversations with old friends or new acquaintances, and admiring all the good things the farm embodies. Kids were running around, and wonderful music drifted from the live band playing. There was so much joy in that place, and I couldn't help but smile and laugh and marvel at God's goodness in it all. This was where there was life, and in abundance. And so I celebrated - the hard work of dear friends who run the farm, the good people coming together over it, the music - the food - the laughter - the kids, it was all so good, and I was so grateful to be there to share in it, to bear witness to God's goodness.
This joyous event does not negate the pain of a life lost, but nor are they totally divorced from eachother. The Joshua Farm works with at-risk youth in the community, providing jobs and teaching skills, as they provide fresh, affordable produce to the community. So I have to believe that there is hope yet. That on the same night we mourn a death, we are also celebrating life. And that God is there, weeping and rejoicing with us.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Bringing the Kingdom
Inspired by a wise and committed neighbor and friend, my thoughts turn to community once again. This is something that has been on my mind and my heart a lot these last several months, and I am reminded again of this burning desire for radical community life that extends beyond the four walls of our house or the confines of our circle of friends and embraces the people here in our neighborhood and brings them into fellowship together. I want to love the people God has placed me in close proximity with – but who I often feel worlds apart from. You can’t love people from a distance, and you can’t love people without knowing them. I want to know and be known in this place – and learn what it means to love despite seemingly insurmountable barriers – of race, class, and gender; or of busyness, routine, and complacency.
I have a vision of people of different races, languages, ages, backgrounds, and genders coming together around a shared table, children breaking the ice with their games and laughter, conversations starting, connections being made, stereotypes breaking down, relationships being formed – and God’s Kingdom coming in the midst of it.
I’m not naïve, and this isn’t going to magically happen just by willing it. Although we cannot force it, we do have to make an effort. Because the whole point is that these aren't the kind of relationships that will just happen – with all of the barriers our society has constructed, it’s become very natural and easy to keep to ourselves and be with people like us. Breaking out of that to reach out to those very different from us is not the norm – but it should be a marker of God’s upside-down Kingdom.
The how and when I don’t know, but what I do know is that this has to be part of what we do and who we are if we’re going to call ourselves the Body of Christ…otherwise, what are we doing?
------------------------------------
"Kingdom Comes" - Sara Groves
When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse
When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home
When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
May it be so. AMEN.
I have a vision of people of different races, languages, ages, backgrounds, and genders coming together around a shared table, children breaking the ice with their games and laughter, conversations starting, connections being made, stereotypes breaking down, relationships being formed – and God’s Kingdom coming in the midst of it.
I’m not naïve, and this isn’t going to magically happen just by willing it. Although we cannot force it, we do have to make an effort. Because the whole point is that these aren't the kind of relationships that will just happen – with all of the barriers our society has constructed, it’s become very natural and easy to keep to ourselves and be with people like us. Breaking out of that to reach out to those very different from us is not the norm – but it should be a marker of God’s upside-down Kingdom.
The how and when I don’t know, but what I do know is that this has to be part of what we do and who we are if we’re going to call ourselves the Body of Christ…otherwise, what are we doing?
------------------------------------
"Kingdom Comes" - Sara Groves
When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse
When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home
When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying
That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming
May it be so. AMEN.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
What is Love?
I was reading bedtime books to some of the dear children in my life on Thursday, and was surprised by the wisdom I found in a Clifford story. As a puppy, Clifford kept hearing people using the word "love" in different contexts but was trying to figure out what it meant. "I love you" - "I love playing with you" - "I love when people fill my food bowl" - what was this thing called love? But by the end, as his owner/best friend Emily Elizabeth is holding him and scratching him under the chin, she says "I love you, Clifford" - and he realizes, love is this happy feeling of being with people who care about you.
It's true, and I've felt that a lot lately. The last few days I've been surrounded by the important people in my life, and have felt so loved as dear friends celebrated my birthday in so many wonderful ways. Love is revealing and celebrating the beauty we see in eachother. Love is talking and listening to the deep things on our hearts. Love is simply being together, not needing words at all. Love is laughing until our stomachs hurt - and then laughing some more.
Love isn't only happy feelings, though. Love is being there in the hurts and heartbreaks, sharing the tears and trials that life brings. Love is carrying those things for eachother and with eachother - things that we cannot fix, but that we can bring to Jesus together. Love is caring for one another even when we don't know how.
Love is being there - sharing in the joys and the sorrows and everything in between. We all have our highs and lows, our excitements and frustrations. We won't feel good all the time - but part of the beauty of community is coming together with our conglomeration of feelings and experiences (good and bad) and being real with eachother, even when it's not pretty. In doing so, we allow eachother to enter in and be Jesus to us. And that is the best gift of all.
It's true, and I've felt that a lot lately. The last few days I've been surrounded by the important people in my life, and have felt so loved as dear friends celebrated my birthday in so many wonderful ways. Love is revealing and celebrating the beauty we see in eachother. Love is talking and listening to the deep things on our hearts. Love is simply being together, not needing words at all. Love is laughing until our stomachs hurt - and then laughing some more.
Love isn't only happy feelings, though. Love is being there in the hurts and heartbreaks, sharing the tears and trials that life brings. Love is carrying those things for eachother and with eachother - things that we cannot fix, but that we can bring to Jesus together. Love is caring for one another even when we don't know how.
Love is being there - sharing in the joys and the sorrows and everything in between. We all have our highs and lows, our excitements and frustrations. We won't feel good all the time - but part of the beauty of community is coming together with our conglomeration of feelings and experiences (good and bad) and being real with eachother, even when it's not pretty. In doing so, we allow eachother to enter in and be Jesus to us. And that is the best gift of all.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Things that give me Life
I am reminded of the things that God has placed in my life that make me feel most alive and good and at peace with myself and the world. I too easily forget about them at times, but this week I was reminded of them in abundance.
1) Connecting with people - Sharing deep conversations about the things that are on our hearts and listening to and encouraging one another is such a beautiful expression of community that fills me like nothing else.
2) Celebrating - Being caught up in joy over the special and the ordinary is so important, letting belly laughs and ridiculousness work as medicine to revive the soul.
3) Playing with children - Spending time with kids never fails to lift my heart, make me laugh, and help me appreciate the little things in life.
4) Walking around my neighborhood - Walking the streets and alleys of what some would call an abandoned place is always therapy, where I find beauty and joy in what is and see hope in the possibilities for what could be.
5) Dreaming about the future - Contemplating the bigger dreams that God has placed on our hearts amidst the day-to-day routine gives me renewed excitement and inspiration for the Kingdom that is coming.
6) Being present and in touch with God - Taking time to simply be with God and allow God to change my heart grounds me and helps me find freedom from the things that hold me down.
When I recognize these as things that I need and strike a good balance of them in my life, I feel most alive and fully myself and I am better able to be what others need. I want to live in such a way that I intentionally seek to cultivate these life-giving experiences as part of my everyday, while also learning to not be dependent on them.
1) Connecting with people - Sharing deep conversations about the things that are on our hearts and listening to and encouraging one another is such a beautiful expression of community that fills me like nothing else.
2) Celebrating - Being caught up in joy over the special and the ordinary is so important, letting belly laughs and ridiculousness work as medicine to revive the soul.
3) Playing with children - Spending time with kids never fails to lift my heart, make me laugh, and help me appreciate the little things in life.
4) Walking around my neighborhood - Walking the streets and alleys of what some would call an abandoned place is always therapy, where I find beauty and joy in what is and see hope in the possibilities for what could be.
5) Dreaming about the future - Contemplating the bigger dreams that God has placed on our hearts amidst the day-to-day routine gives me renewed excitement and inspiration for the Kingdom that is coming.
6) Being present and in touch with God - Taking time to simply be with God and allow God to change my heart grounds me and helps me find freedom from the things that hold me down.
When I recognize these as things that I need and strike a good balance of them in my life, I feel most alive and fully myself and I am better able to be what others need. I want to live in such a way that I intentionally seek to cultivate these life-giving experiences as part of my everyday, while also learning to not be dependent on them.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Trying to figure out the Love of God.
Why on earth would God want to be in relationship with people like me who are so messed up? That's what I'm trying to figure out. Perhaps it's because we are so messed up. God has it all together, and could have just stayed separate from the world, didn't have to bother with us after we rejected Him. But He saw us suffering as a result of our selfishness and knew this would eventually lead us to destruction in one way or another. So He had compassion, and wrote Himself into our story to offer a way out. He didn't have to experience suffering or pain or sorrow or loneliness of any kind - but He chose to, to enter into our human experience. That's love. And He offered us a relationship with Him, through which He can start the work of redeeming the messed up things in our world and in our hearts and show us another way. That's love.
And I think that God has built into the core of our beings a deep desire for relationship, for community, for Communion. It's meant to be with Him and meant to draw us to Him, but we often get distracted and seek to fulfill it in other ways. I find myself drawn to the people in my life, close friends and the community God has blessed me with, to fill this heart-desire. There is something so beautiful about knowing and being known, loving and being loved, just as you are. Yet whatever human relationships we have can never quite do that completely. We will always be limited by our selfish tendencies, and it will never quite be enough - it cannot quite fill that relational void inside our hearts. Only God can. I often forget this, and God constantly has to remind me that the people and the community He has blessed me with are not the be-all end-all - and elevating them as such only sets up unfair expectations and creates frustration.
Human community is a reflection of the Communion God has for us, but it's not it. Only God's perfect Love can fulfill our deepest relational desires, and dispel all of the insecurities and ugliness that hide in the corners of our hearts. When my heart is filled with the Love of God, it can't help but overflow into my relationships with people, and I can share it freely without expecting an exact return. However, when I don't allow my heart to be filled by God, I can approach my relationships out of that lack, and greedily draw from others to satisfy my needs.
The neat thing is, that living in God's Love has implications for everything. Not just how I love my friends, but how I interact with strangers and how I do my work and how I dream about the future and how I live in the present. My prayer right now is that God would be teaching me how to live in His Love every single day.
And I think that God has built into the core of our beings a deep desire for relationship, for community, for Communion. It's meant to be with Him and meant to draw us to Him, but we often get distracted and seek to fulfill it in other ways. I find myself drawn to the people in my life, close friends and the community God has blessed me with, to fill this heart-desire. There is something so beautiful about knowing and being known, loving and being loved, just as you are. Yet whatever human relationships we have can never quite do that completely. We will always be limited by our selfish tendencies, and it will never quite be enough - it cannot quite fill that relational void inside our hearts. Only God can. I often forget this, and God constantly has to remind me that the people and the community He has blessed me with are not the be-all end-all - and elevating them as such only sets up unfair expectations and creates frustration.
Human community is a reflection of the Communion God has for us, but it's not it. Only God's perfect Love can fulfill our deepest relational desires, and dispel all of the insecurities and ugliness that hide in the corners of our hearts. When my heart is filled with the Love of God, it can't help but overflow into my relationships with people, and I can share it freely without expecting an exact return. However, when I don't allow my heart to be filled by God, I can approach my relationships out of that lack, and greedily draw from others to satisfy my needs.
The neat thing is, that living in God's Love has implications for everything. Not just how I love my friends, but how I interact with strangers and how I do my work and how I dream about the future and how I live in the present. My prayer right now is that God would be teaching me how to live in His Love every single day.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Living the questions...
Where am I? Sometimes in the mad rush of life I realize that I need to pause for a moment and just figure out where I am before I jet off to the next thing.
Lots of questions it seems are running through my head these days, and I don't often get to dwell on them long enough to figure out what the answers are, but sometimes being able to articulate what it is I am seeking is enough.
How do I love the people God has placed me with? I want my love for others to be pure, not steeped in having my own needs met, but truly as a gift to the other, possible only through God's grace.
How do I truly reach out to my neighbors, breaching cultural barriers that sometimes seem insurmountable? I want to build relationships, become a real part of this place, and help meet needs where I can.
How do I build community with other like-minded folks without excluding those who are different? Is community the end in itself or should we be striving for a certain vision or goal? How does this play out practically with busy schedules and other commitments?
What is it that I am meant to do vocationally? How can this collection of experiences, passions, and gifts be best used to advance the Kingdom?
How do I live fully and with abandon, obedient always to living out God's deep love and never being controlled by fears or insecurities?
How can I cultivate a lifestyle that is fully in the present, focusing on precisely where God has placed me in the moment and who with? How can I learn the art of being, rather than be a slave to my schedule and to-do list?
How do I make God my number one priority, focusing on spending time with God and having an attitude of constant openness to the movements of the Spirit?
So many questions! It can get overwhelming when they're all flying around in my head, but then I remember. Part of the answer, I think, is that "I" cannot do any of this. I need my sisters and brothers, and most of all my God - otherwise none of this is possible.
Amidst all of these questions, I have been encouraged by the people in my life who remind me of what is important and who are figuring out this thing called life together with me. Cooking and conversations late into the night at my house. Burritos and talk about community organizing. Coffee and conversation about hospitality and rootedness. Exciting news about new communities forming on the Hill. Corn mazes and pumpkin carving with children I love. Handing out candy and talking about life on the stoop. Play-dates with the little boys next door. Hot drinks with an old friend in a new city. Dear friends returning from far away places.
I am so blessed by the people who journey with me, as we live these questions...
Lots of questions it seems are running through my head these days, and I don't often get to dwell on them long enough to figure out what the answers are, but sometimes being able to articulate what it is I am seeking is enough.
How do I love the people God has placed me with? I want my love for others to be pure, not steeped in having my own needs met, but truly as a gift to the other, possible only through God's grace.
How do I truly reach out to my neighbors, breaching cultural barriers that sometimes seem insurmountable? I want to build relationships, become a real part of this place, and help meet needs where I can.
How do I build community with other like-minded folks without excluding those who are different? Is community the end in itself or should we be striving for a certain vision or goal? How does this play out practically with busy schedules and other commitments?
What is it that I am meant to do vocationally? How can this collection of experiences, passions, and gifts be best used to advance the Kingdom?
How do I live fully and with abandon, obedient always to living out God's deep love and never being controlled by fears or insecurities?
How can I cultivate a lifestyle that is fully in the present, focusing on precisely where God has placed me in the moment and who with? How can I learn the art of being, rather than be a slave to my schedule and to-do list?
How do I make God my number one priority, focusing on spending time with God and having an attitude of constant openness to the movements of the Spirit?
So many questions! It can get overwhelming when they're all flying around in my head, but then I remember. Part of the answer, I think, is that "I" cannot do any of this. I need my sisters and brothers, and most of all my God - otherwise none of this is possible.
Amidst all of these questions, I have been encouraged by the people in my life who remind me of what is important and who are figuring out this thing called life together with me. Cooking and conversations late into the night at my house. Burritos and talk about community organizing. Coffee and conversation about hospitality and rootedness. Exciting news about new communities forming on the Hill. Corn mazes and pumpkin carving with children I love. Handing out candy and talking about life on the stoop. Play-dates with the little boys next door. Hot drinks with an old friend in a new city. Dear friends returning from far away places.
I am so blessed by the people who journey with me, as we live these questions...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Awakening
God rest us.
Rest the part of us which is tired.
Awaken the part of us which is asleep.
God awaken us and awake within us.
Amen.
I had a realization - I'm afraid that I've gotten too comfortable. Too comfortable with my job, my schedule, my life. Although there are so many good things about my life right now, I don't want to be satisfied with where I am. I feel like I've gotten so used to my everyday routine that I've become disconnected from some of the bigger, important things in life.
Urban housing & development, cycles of poverty and how to create & sustain jobs, gender issues and discrimination against women, hospitality & what it means to reach out to neighbors - so many things! There's this whole part of myself that cares so much about these things, but lately it's been so easy for them to get lost in the daily shuffle. I feel like I don't have the time or mental energy to engage them, but I don't want to lose sight of them because they're really at the core of who I am - and who I want to become. I want to truly engage in learning about and acting on these things that are so important to me.
Hand-in-hand with engaging these societal issues and problems is engaging with people, reaching out to the poor and marginalized, the broken and lonely. Sadly, I think I've kind of gotten used to not making as much of an effort. I have my volunteer times built into my schedule, but haven't allowed much space for being open to people I pass on the streets and what they might need at that moment. I've been reminded again of this radical lifestyle of reaching out and loving people that I used to want, and still do want, but seem to have fallen short of. It's not easy for me to reach out to strangers and get to know people - but following Jesus isn't supposed to be easy or natural or comfortable - just the opposite. I know that God wants to stretch me and push me out of my comfort zone, and I'm afraid to, but also afraid not to.
I want to strive again for this radical way of living, confronting these problems head-on and being part of the solutions, and above all loving people.
I want to be more intentional about hospitality and getting to know our neighbors;
I want to be more open to people as I walk the streets, and ready to help someone in need;
I want to be more connected to the things happening in the neighborhood and the city;
I want to learn more about the issues at play.
I want to dream again, and take small steps towards those dreams.
These are the desires of my heart. My prayer is that I will live in such a way that I am more faithful to them.
Living radically seems hard when it's done in small ways everyday on top of other demands. It doesn't feel like enough, and it's easy to get discouraged. It's also easy to forgot how important all of these things are. But people help me to remember, and dream with me and challenge me and encourage me. They remind me, too, that it all comes back to God and to love - without which we can do nothing. I feel like I am coming back to that.
And my song right now is Sara Groves' "Add to the Beauty":
We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold
Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside
It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work
It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth
This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation.
Rest the part of us which is tired.
Awaken the part of us which is asleep.
God awaken us and awake within us.
Amen.
I had a realization - I'm afraid that I've gotten too comfortable. Too comfortable with my job, my schedule, my life. Although there are so many good things about my life right now, I don't want to be satisfied with where I am. I feel like I've gotten so used to my everyday routine that I've become disconnected from some of the bigger, important things in life.
Urban housing & development, cycles of poverty and how to create & sustain jobs, gender issues and discrimination against women, hospitality & what it means to reach out to neighbors - so many things! There's this whole part of myself that cares so much about these things, but lately it's been so easy for them to get lost in the daily shuffle. I feel like I don't have the time or mental energy to engage them, but I don't want to lose sight of them because they're really at the core of who I am - and who I want to become. I want to truly engage in learning about and acting on these things that are so important to me.
Hand-in-hand with engaging these societal issues and problems is engaging with people, reaching out to the poor and marginalized, the broken and lonely. Sadly, I think I've kind of gotten used to not making as much of an effort. I have my volunteer times built into my schedule, but haven't allowed much space for being open to people I pass on the streets and what they might need at that moment. I've been reminded again of this radical lifestyle of reaching out and loving people that I used to want, and still do want, but seem to have fallen short of. It's not easy for me to reach out to strangers and get to know people - but following Jesus isn't supposed to be easy or natural or comfortable - just the opposite. I know that God wants to stretch me and push me out of my comfort zone, and I'm afraid to, but also afraid not to.
I want to strive again for this radical way of living, confronting these problems head-on and being part of the solutions, and above all loving people.
I want to be more intentional about hospitality and getting to know our neighbors;
I want to be more open to people as I walk the streets, and ready to help someone in need;
I want to be more connected to the things happening in the neighborhood and the city;
I want to learn more about the issues at play.
I want to dream again, and take small steps towards those dreams.
These are the desires of my heart. My prayer is that I will live in such a way that I am more faithful to them.
Living radically seems hard when it's done in small ways everyday on top of other demands. It doesn't feel like enough, and it's easy to get discouraged. It's also easy to forgot how important all of these things are. But people help me to remember, and dream with me and challenge me and encourage me. They remind me, too, that it all comes back to God and to love - without which we can do nothing. I feel like I am coming back to that.
And my song right now is Sara Groves' "Add to the Beauty":
We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold
Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are
And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside
It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work
It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth
This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation.
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